Has it really been this looong?! How have y'all been?
Y'all must forgive my absence. I've been experiencing some life changing events in the last four- five months! There have been some good moments, some bad moments and some bleh moments. However, the good moments have definitely trumped the bad and bleh moments.
I concluded my Masters programme in August with intense exams that threatened to drain the life right out of me and left me suffering from anxiety attacks. I returned home from England shortly afterwards. I call it a return to harsh reality. It seems I had a lot of unresolved issues to tackle when I returned and tackle them I did.
First up was my job which had been my pride and joy. It suddenly left a sour taste in my mouth. It was no longer a 100% commitment for me as it used to be. Why you ask? Well, during my time away, 18 members of staff had been unceremoniously sacked! 18! The senior staff had not been spared and we lost the company's legal adviser who was a lawyer with 25 years Post Call to Bar experience! Practically no-one had been spared. Loyalty had not been taken into consideration, timeless service had been thrown out of the window. I was stunned! It didn't make any sense to me. I was bombarded with all the problems that could come with a 'one-man business'. Chief among them being job-insecurity and finance, as well as some other nonsense I'd rather not go into.
To cut the long story short, I found out that my enthusiasm had waned and I really didn't give a sh** about the job anymore. I just couldn't stand being in an office where the tension was so high, the insecurity so palpable in the air and the office politics more intricate than that found within any political party! I resigned! When it was done, I questioned my sanity for a while. Who dumps a good paying job when there are no other jobs in the horizon? On the other hand, what amount of bull crap are you willing to take to keep a job?Well, it was a tough decision that had to be taken. As I figured, if it becomes an effort to give 20% of your 'all' into a venture, never mind a 100%, its time to let the curtains go down on that venture.
As though that decision had not been hard enough, I also decided that I'd had enough of an 'on and off' relationship which had lasted three years and pulled the plug on it. I guess when a woman has had enough, she has had enough!
In the wake of these two significant events, I expected to be a mass of raw pain. Quite the contrary. I've never felt better! I feel liberated! I feel wonderful! I feel unfettered down by a relationship that had been anchored by so many issues and baggage and was on a high-road to no-where. Free of a job fraught with insecurity.
And then the good news came flowing in that re-enforced the belief that I had taken the bold, necessary step of faith in the right direction... The LLM results were released and I made it! I actually did it! Not that I had been afraid I wouldn't but there had been that moment or two when it became quite overwhelming. I now have an LLM in International and Commercial Law (Oil and Gas Law and Policies Specialist). Goodness! The long title makes me smile. I imagine this is how a labouring mother feels after birthing a healthy child. No memory of the pain or the struggle, just pure bliss.
I am motivated. I am empowered. There's actually nothing I can't do if I put my heart and mind to it. And the world is suddenly a beautiful place and life is full of promise. I'm excited about embarking of a new journey and heading in an entirely different direction from anything I ever imagined. The journey is going to be tough. It may be slow. It's probably going to challenge me beyond anything I've ever done.
But then again, these ups and downs, these unpredictable events are what make life so exciting and worth living. And God knows how to throw in the right amount of good, bad and bleh to make life one hot spicy pot of stew. Frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Cheerio my darlings.
Light and Love,
xxx
Isi-Aki.
