ALWAYS BE TRUE

Over the weekend, still reeling in shock over the death of one of my favorite R&B artists, Amy Winehouse, not quite recovered from the death of Motunrayo Agbara, I came across this beautiful soliloquy by Grammy Award winner Jill Scott, another of my favorite artist, urging us to rejoice in our complicated, contradictory and perfectly unique selves.

It strikes a chord in me because it’s exactly how I feel most times and could have been something I’d written. So I’ll share this with every other girl out there who’s never quite fit in and always felt – different.

JILL SCOTT  -  ALWAYS BE TRUE

I guess I have a multiple personality. If that is what it is, I mostly like it. Don’t get confused with a multiple personality disorder. I don’t wake up left-handed or speaking Greek. That’s a whole other story. I know who I am and I am always me, although I can be really intense at times. I used to ask God to make me a consistent person like most of my friends. But after many years, successes and failures, I just shrugged my shoulders and decided this is my bag, so I carry it.

Sometimes, I’m a sullen girl, disillusioned with the world’s backwardness, angry at the wrongs, can’t get pen and paper in my hands quick enough. Sometimes, I’m thoughtful, calling my loved ones to pour out why I appreciate them, singing my thanks. Sometimes, I’m shy, painfully transparent, at times silly. I am one intense adjective at a time, and while I’m there, I don’t resist those feelings. I rest in those moments. I try to taste them, wrap myself in them as hard as hard as I can. I call it freedom, and I suppose if I wasn’t the way I am, I wouldn’t have the careers I do. Maybe I’m nuts (probably), but I notice that when I fight myself, suck myself in, I lose all the stuff, the fruit, the core of me that I enjoy the most. Some find me off-putting, but here I am. Take me or leave me.

I’ve travelled quite a bit and met all kinds of people. I see the cloaks they wear: tight, static images that are meant to represent who they really are. I’ve worn them too, and found them spiritually and mentally draining. Being honest outwardly and most importantly inwardly is terrifying. Maybe they won’t like you. Maybe they won’t understand you. Maybe you won’t get the job. Maybe all that is true, but not every chance belongs to you and not every glowing bauble should be on your wrist.

I met a girl – great, incredible, passionate actress. She works on a horse farm in the country. She has a donkey and a full grown wolf named Becket. She’s as happy and grounded as a person could be. She doesn’t seem to make a lot of money, but she doesn’t seem to want for much. She could be a megastar (the girl is that good), but she only wants to act in whatever television series, movies or plays come to her neck of the woods. She says she couldn’t live in Hollywood. She wants to do what she wants with her time. She loves and needs to be near horses, so she dresses and lives the part. She’s simple and she’s beautiful and so easy to be around. After I left her, I felt inspired. She’s happy with her life. How many of us can actually say that and mean it?

When we suffocate who we truly are – for status or material things or friends or money – we do our lives and spirits the greatest disservice. We disrespect the intricate and exceptional stories we’ve all been given.  So many heart attacks and blood pressure pills. So many foreclosures and addictions. We need change on many levels. Try finding those things that make your whole spirit say yes. Live within your means and choose to appreciate what you have. Let people see your oddities, your quirks.

I’m just sayin’ – what do you really have to lose?

Jill Scott is a three-time Grammy Award winning artist, writer, actress, philanthropist and mother.

Culled from the February 2010 ESSENCE.