I should begin by saying that despite the title of this post, I don't have some late boyfriend's spirit haunting me before y'all start pleading Obara Jisus (Blood of Jesus) over my life. And unlike the movie, (The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past) I haven't been callously breaking hearts left, right and center. (Fingers crossed behind my back). I can almost see some eyes widening and gossip antennas springing up to attention at the hint of some scandalous, low-down dirty bit of gist about my love life. Sorry, not today. Not the scandalous, low-down and dirty part at least. :p
This week has been full of some sober reflections, soul searching and re-evaluations. This avalanche of emotions is a consequence of my Xth birthday imminent in a few hours from the moment I’m writing this post. Bleh!
Okay, Okay, before I start to blame the famine in Ethiopia on my impending old age, let me qualify the statement by saying that the avalanche of emotions is not entirely a consequence of my imminent Xth birthday.
*In an aside* I know some of you are thinking, ‘Say your age already!’ or ‘What’s in the age?’ or my personal favorite, ‘Age is nothing but a number!’ All I can say is, ‘Sorry lagbaja, nothing for you!’
I read somewhere that a woman who will willingly tell her age will divulge every and any secret! And you know a closed mouth is one of the tools of the trade, so I’m going to keep my lips zipped on that matter. Thank you!
Another perplexing factor that has to contributed to my irritation, dismay and gloom is the fact that a couple of ex-es have decided to stage a comeback into my life! Yep! All in the same month!
I should probably be doing a pirouette and hugging myself in excitement because ‘they’ have finally decided they made an error in judgement and I was the woman for them all along, right? Er… WRONG!
First of all when I say ex-es, I mean ex –ex. As in guys I dated while I was still at the University! Now, when the first turned up, it wasn’t a very pleasant surprise but I lived. Then, the second and third. Lovely coincidence... or maybe not. The Man upstairs has a weird sense of humor when it comes to my life, I’ve discovered. Believe me when I say I’ve learnt to grin and wink along with Him. His Humor gets me everytime. But this morning when the fourth ex ‘found’ me on Facebook after donkey years, I had to look up and ask the Big Man what he was up to.
Four ex-es? The very month of my xth birthday? How can you explain the mysterious reappearance of these ex-es within the same period of time, all burning with the zealous desire to stoke the embers- forget embers - the ash of long dead relationships? Haba!
Now, my friends, I’m not talking about that scenario (dreamt up while trying to repackage my grinded heart when the relationship(s) unceremoniously ended.) where I bump into an ex one day while exiting – say Silverbird Plaza – and I’m about to unlock my brand new 2011 Mercedes CLS Limited Edition. The ex spots me from across the park. He does a double take before quickly sprinting towards me. (My favorite scene). He proceeds to tell me how he is doing in a record time of one minute. I reciprocate by telling him about my fabulous life. (Hah!) At the end of it all, I tell him about how nice it was to see him, (all the while tongue in cheek) flip my Brazillian in his face… okay scratch that. In my case, it would be, twirl my skirt around his knees and leave him in a cloud of heady perfume while I get into my car, start the ignition and zoom away in my Mercedes. All the while he stares after me with lovesick eyes, mentally kicking himself on the behind for allowing me slip away from him.
Perfect scene… *sigh*
However, my reality is a far cry from my fantasy. These fellows manage to get a hold of my contacts and just like that, I get a call from the blue that sounds like this;
Me: Hello?
Ex: Hey Zenia!
Me: Er… Who am I speaking with?
Ex: Ahn Ahn! Baby it’s me nah. (mentions name) You don’t have my number again?
At this point I pull my cell phone away from my ears to look at it incredulously.
Ex: I've had your number all this time. I’ve never really forgotten about you.
I don’t even bother to respond.
Ex: Anyway baby, how are you doing? What are you doing now? I hear you are one of the big girls in Abuja.
By this time, I decide I've heard enough.
Me: I’m sure you heard incorrectly. Listen…er… (his name), I’m in the middle of an inspection. Can we talk another time.
I didn’t wait for a response. I mean, WT*!
He did call back later. By then, I’d made up my mind to be gracious even though my guard was up and the sentries were out, armed with their bows and arrows, ready to shoot if a toe stepped out of line. That was the very first fellow that tried to stage a comeback. Granted, some of them have been a little more tactful and seem to have matured a bit over the years but all the ladi dadi da leads me to ask a couple of questions;
1. Would you renew a long dead, buried and forgotten relationship? Can old bones rise again?
2. Would trying to fan the embers of the now very cold fire of a relationship qualify as ‘settling for less?’ I mean, there was there was a reason the relationship ended in the first place.
3. How do you restrain the gleeful feeling of schadenfreude from rearing its ugly head and shouting in their faces, ‘Look! I’m strong, beautiful, fabulous, achieved some of those dreams, set to conquer the rest – AND YOU’LL NEVER HAVE ME!!! Or maybe you will – when hell freezes over! Brutal right? But then, payback is a mother!
4. Is it possible that my knight in shining armour is amongst the ex-es and he had to take a long hiatus to polish off his armour or fight a few battles of his own while life and experience awakened the sleeping beauty in me?
Okay, before y'all start rolling your eyes at my romantic balderdash or shaking your heads at my cynical sense of humor, think about it for a minute. Do I open the pathway to reconciliation and possibly a happy marital future or do I put the ghosts of boyfriends past to a perpetual rest and look on to the future filled with the prospect of new love and happiness? Food for thought...
I'll let you guys know how the saga continues...
Let's gooo!
xx
Isi-Aki.
3 comments:
Exes know when they did you wrong. Sometimes it takes them hearing that you are now more settled or are a "big Abj gal" to get them to come to their senses and say wow she wasnt that bad afterall. Or when others start to sing your good praises their eyes will open.
I think reconsiling with an ex depends on the circumstances that led to the break up. If he cheated on you or beat you till you were black and blue or slept with your bff or sister or cousin, then for me thats a big "heck no". But if you guys grew apart or maybe distance was an issue or some other slight mis-understanding then i think it can be resolved. In most instances, you can be the judge of whether you can reconsile or get back with an ex. I'm not saying if your ex did drastic things to you that it cant be worked but that would take the christian/muslim in you to forgive him and get back together.
If you get back together with an ex i dont think it means settling for less. There is a saying that if you have something that you cherish so much and you let that thing go and it comes back to you, then its yours. This only works when you use your number 2 sha. You are allowed to say to any one of your exes that tries a come back that you are fab, beautiful, etc. You are allowed to gloat as far as i'm concerned, even if you get back with the one you gloated to, its A-OK.
Number 4 is definately possible!
In answer to your 1st question, the only old bones I think can rise again are the biblical ones, unless one's still hung up on her ex. Break-ups can be for a variety of reasons, so if you broke up because of a serious fault on the guy's part e.g, unfaithfulness, then going back is definitely settling for less. I wouldnt advise any girl to settle for less if she thinks the relationship is going to be for the long haul. A friend of mine would say that going back to an old flame is like going back to eat your vomit! Yuck! Thanks but no thanks.
In answer to the third question, lol! Payback is sweet, especially when you're in a better place than the one he left you in. Every girl dreams of her ex seeing her doing much better than she was when he left her. And, in answer to the last question, never say never!
@Ann; Incredibly sound advice! You answered all my qestions and then some. Thanks.
@AD;Sounds like something I used to say. Lol. Eat your vomit? Urghh! But it's never quite black or white, is it? And life's funny.
But I see you guys leaning more towards Number 4. Hnmmm...
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